Edge Of A Broken Heart

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I have been with my wife 21 years. Is this the real end? I remember the day I met her! I was so shy! Every time I went to stare at her, she would glance at me and I would just quickly look away. I remember how heartbroken I was to have to take her to the bus stop at the end of the weekend. I lived with a friend and she lived with her mom. What happened to all the promises?

What happens to a couple when things fall apart? Maybe I’m the selfish one! We were out walking one day when we first got together and noticed these two ducks, one male the other female. These two ducks was a couple! I looked over at her and said that reminds me of us. A couple for life just tootling along in life.

Is it age? What breaks those boundaries and promises? How the hell did we get to this point? I think a lot of the blame resides with me. I’m broken you see. I’m broken because of my bi-sexuality and she took me on anyways and took a chance on me! I cheated with men up until 8 years ago and probably psychologically damaged the love of my life…. How did I ever get it in me to hurt her in that way! It wasn’t supposed to happen to us! I never really meant to hurt my one love in life that actually accepted me for who I was! We promised each other we would be together forever heart, mind, body and soul! Is it really over? It was supposed to be “always, forever, in eternity!” It can’t be over! She doesn’t want to split up, I do.

I feel as though that the damage is done and irreparable. My daughter along with my own shortcomings is a real strain on what is supposed to be a happy marriage. The funny thing is, when I have my wife to myself without the grandson or my daughter around, it’s how it used to be! There is no real problem! I took my wife to the emergency room do to her having chest pains, we was talking and loving one another like we did when we first got together! Smiles, warmth, the look of love! Then she called home to make sure things were ok with our daughter and grandson. You should have seen the look on her face! She went from smiling to frowning.

The daughter is yelling at the grandson having little patience, I heard it while the wife was on the phone because I was sitting next to her! I think my daughter is one of the main reasons my relationship is about over. I and the wife have nothing to really fight over! Soon as the daughter comes up in the conversation, it turns into an argument. I think this is an unsolvable problem to say the least. I just want my wife back! I just want my bi-sexuality to go away! I mean enough already! Hasn’t this family paid for its sins enough?! Hasn’t this family been through enough?! I had this weird dream last night that my wife passed away and was lying on the bed. In my dream she had already been dead for over 24 hours. I just knelt by her side crying and by some miracle she started coughing and coming back to life! I was so happy! I kept telling her I love you, I love you! Then our daughter walks in and starts complaining! I was so pissed at my daughter coming in the room like that and acting that way after my wife just came back to life! I hauled off and smacked her! Then I woke up and rushed to the living room to see my wife truly alive taking care of our grandson.

That dream is a result of how I feel inside, it’s a result of how things may go in the future! If my daughter keeps her attitude up, it may just end causing the wife a heart attack! Not to mention me constantly not knowing how to fix the situation and drinking on the weekend! Spending all my free time in recluse in my bedroom on this computer! I really am at a standstill right now! I really don’t know which way to go. I just want my wife back!